Climbing The Ladder

In case anyone reading this hasn't heard yet, I have a real job! Yep, as of the start of next year (or whenever all the hoops are jumped through) I have a permanent helpdesk job with British Gypsum. It means working in East Leake from 0830, pretty much putting paid to enjoying rock nights during the week on any sort of regular basis, but it means money and, above all, stability. Loughborough's got me for the foreseeable, it seems. :-D

Anyways, a little quizzage to keep you entertained...

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Two-inch scar on my throat, given to me by my friend Michael. He hit me with his gym bag, forgetting there was a mechanical drawing pencil in it.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Two paintings of cats, a pic of Ben Nevis (done that!), an anime art print and a Ghost In The Shell foil poster.

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
It's a Motorola 3G- square, black, bulky and barely functional.

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
I tend to alternate ATM between metal, industrial, cybergoth and JPop.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
9:15pm. Not bad, excepting it was six weeks early.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Not to have to go to work!

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Living with cats.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION/S?
Probably my computer- I'd most likely be lost without it.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Not that I know of.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK
Only if I start to think. ;)

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
Not telling (in case they read this :P)

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
I don't really have a favourite- whatever I pick off the shelf, I guess.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Colour doesn't matter really, but I like eyes that glitter.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO?
That would involve someone wanting to marry me, no? ;)

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee.

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Pepperoni. Pizzas need pepperoni.

18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A fry-up, most likely...

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
I tend more towards getting upset than getting mad...

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU?
You expect me to remember that far back?!

22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY?
I like to think that I like everyone until proved otherwise.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
Not that I'm aware.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Magnum Footwear.

25. WHAT'S YOUR DREAM CAR?
The TVR Typhon or the new Batmobile.

26. DO YOU HAVE A BONER RIGHT NOW
Give a guy a chance!

27. HOW BIG IS YOUR BONER?
I'll tell you next time I get turned on by a tape measure... :P

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
Vixel: "It's kinda hard to control who you fall in love with" Ditto.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Straight out and honestly- if they mean anything to you they deserve nothing less.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
14. Why? Why not?

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
It doesn't really matter- hair colour doesn't determine how much of a decent person someone is.

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
*Checks call logs* Hmmm, Vicki, Vicki, Graeme, Vicki, Pizza Hut, Pete, Mum, Vicki...

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Myself and my talent for (frequently) being a muppet.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE UK?
Lived outside it for about ten years in total- does that count?

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
People I care about, retail therapy.

37. FIRST JOB?
Assistant Network Administrator at the school from which I'd just graduated.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Nope, though I've been prank-called before.

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS?
Walking home from the pub.

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Remove the beer gut, though admittedly six months cycling an hour a day again could probably do that.

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
Because I hadn't posted a quiz on my blog for a while.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
The last thing I can remember getting complimented on was my patience...

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
Drink less, learn to brew.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Cash and a decent day out with my friends- and I got it! :D

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
Haven't given it any thought, to be honest.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Well, Mum wanted to give her son a Biblical name...

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
I've been known to in the past.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS[ARE] YOUR FAVORITE?
I've never had a favourite finger before... If I had to choose, probably the ones with the (claw) rings on.

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Last week.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Only in the way I like half-drowning drunken spiders in ink.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Bacon. If bacon's not a lunch meat, parma ham.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Spending all my money on random useless crap.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
Depending on who you ask, most of them; probably The Best of Arnold Scwarzenegger (it's a collection of movie title tracks, before anyone asks).

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably- I don't think I have any real enemies.

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Nope.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Looks don't make a person.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Writing rants, mainly.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
The Hague or Coalville.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Nope.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
A plush shark I got from the Sea Life Centre. Or, failing that, Lego.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
About sixty or seventy.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Me? Sarcastic? Nah, not at all.

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Yep- goes with the territory.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Lucidity, introspectiveness, a good sense of humour, good taste and an open mind. Being cute is a bonus. ;-)

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
I don't really have any- Cassiel and Malkira tend to be my handles online.

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
As I tend to wear combat boots exclusively, I don't really have much of a choice...

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Strawberry Cheesecake (HD) or Vanilla Caramel Fudge (B&J).

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Silver, Grey, Purple.

73. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
Living without stress.

74. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
*Counts* Shit, four, I think. And they're size-ten teeth in a size-six mouth.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Most of the people whose answers I'd be interested in seeing have probably already done so...

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
The fans in my PC (can't be bothered to turn the speakers on).

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
A bacon-and-brie baguette.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Vicki.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
It depends what they're displaying, but I tend to pay attention to the legs, face and eyes.

80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG?
Most of the album Empire by Queensryche, in particular Anybody Listening.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE?
Getting up in the morning.

82. FAVORITE DRINK(S)?
Coffee, European beer and real ale.

83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN:
Scorpio or Pisces.

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
Airsoft (which I will get around to doing one day, honest!)

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR?
Brownish.

86. EYE COLOR?
The same.

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
Nope, though as I haven't had my eyes tested in a while I don't know if I should...

88. SIBLINGS?
None (thankfully, having seen the amount of trouble they cause).

89. FAVORITE MONTH?
October/November/December.

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
Yep. :-D

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Saturdays. :-P

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Shy, perhaps not. Self-depreciating and afraid of disappointment, certainly.

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter- all the best things happen nearer Winter.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?
Both have their place, and both can be any level of intimacy.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships- the idea of one-night-stands just doesn't sit right with me.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?
Food and booze at the Swan.

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS
Graeme- he doesn't blog, let alone answer quizzes. ;-)

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
The Right Stuff by Tom Wolfe.

100. IS ANYONE IN LOVE WITH YOU?
I can't answer that- you'd have to ask this Anyone person. :-P

Paradigm Shift

Having said all that this morning, I'm going to have to eat a few of those words. Pertemps called me on the way home from work and said that not only do I have an interview with Dendrite on Monday, I'm the only candidate they've decided to interview. While that's good news, I'm now terrified- can I justify the hype the agency have been giving me? Am I really as good as my CV makes out? I normally do abysmally in interviews, but I can't afford not to do well in the two I've got in the next few days...

It's Just SAD

I find it a little odd that, in recent phone calls and emails, I've been told three times that I sound really happy and upbeat. Either I've suddenly become really good at acting or I'm fooling myself, because the past week or so I've been increasingly 'Meh'. As I can't pin it on any specific cause, I'm putting it down to Seasonal Affective Disorder.

In particular I've become a sight less social. It used to be the case that, rain or shine, I was at the Nuns on a Monday night and Subversion on a Thursday. I think I've managed each about two or three times since the start of the Uni year. I've been involved in one RP session since August, which was cut short in any case. Increasingly I'm ending up deciding that doing anything isn't worth the effort, and this can't be a good thing. Subversion in particular always seems to leave me disappointed at present- the last one in particular is the first night out I've had in quite a while where I've left wishing I'd stayed at home. Maybe it's because it's only really kicking off by the time I have to leave, maybe it's because the DJs' music tastes are evolving along a different direction to mine, maybe it's because the entry fee doesn't make it worth going along for only a couple of hours, I don't know. Maybe I'm just a boring, miserable old goth.

I still haven't heard back from Pertemps about the Dendrite IT job. I'm steeling myself to be told the usual: 'You don't have enough experience, we found a better-qualified candidate.' It'd be great if I did get that job- hell, an interview would be a good start- as the pay's great and it's only ten minutes on foot from home. However, I don't want to get my hopes up. I should be used to disappointment, but that doesn't make it any easier. I've got an interview with BG's IT department this Friday, and again I'm hoping that goes well and they take me on- I really need both the money and the stability.

That, I guess, is the biggest problem. Graeme wants to move out of our place at the end of this academic year, and whilst his reasons are good enough the biggest problems for me are the logistics of the move and the stability issue. Right now, without a permanent or long-term job contract, I shouldn't really take the risk of committing to another year in a property. I can barely afford the rent where I am (and if I end up out of work again I may not be able to afford the last payment at all), so I'm worried that I may end up tied to a contract with no way to pay my debts. On top of that, I don't really know anyone I can ask to help me move- I can't ask my grandparents to help move all my stuff again, and with items like tables and bookcases involved this time round a van is a necessity, and I don't know anyone who'd be willing or able to drive a hired one for us.

About every three weeks at the moment I end up thinking: is there still a reason to stay in Loughborough? I've not got any permanent employment, my savings are looking increasingly sparse, I'm increasingly distant from the social group I'm nominally a part of (the only people I really hang around with any more are Pete, Graeme and Vicki) and my job prospects are bleak. How many more reasons do I have left not to apply for NOVA, or to return to the Netherlands? After all, if my mother and aunt can hold down jobs out there, I reckon I could be in with a shot- my Dutch is better than theirs, and I have a degree and a fair amount of experience. Would that be a better idea? Would I be happier? Would it be worth inevitably losing contact with the friends I have here? I don't know, but I do know moving would mean losing these friends, and I'm not sure I could do that again. My friends are probably the only thing keeping me sane and, every now and again, somewhere close to happy, and I wouldn't give them up for ten times the number of friendly acquaintances.

Song of the Day: The Show Must Go On by Queen- Inside my heart is aching, my makeup may be flaking, but my smile still stays on.