Still here, though you'd be forgiven for thinking otherwise... Moved in, have a bed and a bike now, and should have internet as of next week. In the meantime, here's a meme pinched from Vixel's LJ to keep you going until I have a chance to update properly...

What is your secret, guaranteed weeping movie?
Silent Running and Dead Poets' Society are pretty much guaranteed.

If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
I think the only thing I'd be likely to have done would be beer-gut removal, though I keep telling myself that getting regular exercise will be cheaper and more effective.

Do you have a completely irrational fear?
Chronic arachnophobia (which everyone decides to test when they find out, something I don't see the humour in).

What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
I'm not aware that I have one... Making excuses and disappearing from whatever social setting I'm in, possibly.

Are you a pyromaniac?
Nah, though I tend to accrete them...

Do you have too many love interests?
Nope- according to most of the people I know, I probably don't have enough.

Do you know anyone famous?
Nope.

Who would play you in a movie?
I'd like to think Gary Oldman or Alan Rickman, but that would be wishful thinking. As long as it wasn't Danny DeVito, I'd be happy. Of course, first I'd have to do something

Do you know how to play poker?
I know some of the basic rules, but I've never had the inclination to learn properly.

What do you carry with you at all times?
Wallet, phone and keys; I'm normally also in possession of a bag containing a change of clothes, hairbrush and can of deodorant in case I end up crashing somewhere away from home, and and a coat in case of being caught in the rain.

What do you miss most about being a kid?
Living without financial and existential burdens- to steal a line from Rush, We're only immortal for a limited time.

Are you happy with your given name?
Yes, on the whole.

How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
£25,000 at the bare minimum. However, I've gone without it at home for almost a month now without too many problems... *Twitch, twitch*

What color is your bedroom?
Cream with pale green carpets and curtains, the furniture being pine. Not my ideal choice, but it suffices.

What was the last song you were listening to?
Something on Meteora by Linkin Park, though I couldn't tell you which song.

Have you ever been in love?
Yep.

Do you talk a lot?
Not normally- I tend to be more of a listener (to the infuriation of anyone I speak to on the phone)

Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
I know I'm damned good at quite a few things, however I'm in constant danger of accepting my own mediocrity.

Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
I'd like to think I am, though I guess other people's views count more than my own on this issue.

What is your ideal marriage location?
I've never really thought about it. I've wanted to go to Japan (particularly Fukuoka or Tokyo) for years, and I've often thought that, should I ever get married, it'd be a good honeymoon spot. However, that's a financial improbability at present.

Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?
I guess I'm a cyberpunk at heart, as I've tried to learn synths and sequencers a few times with mixed results (mainly from Bad to Worse).

Favorite fabric?
IRR-treated cotton and cordura are the way to go for most things I wear- fashionable and me tend not to mix. ;)

Something you love and also hate?


What's the one language you want to learn?
I have a reasonable (if rusty) command of Dutch and I've had brushes with French, Spanish and Japanese in the past to varying levels. Of those, I think Japanese would be the one I would most like to be fluent in.

How do you eat an apple?
Around the equator, working inwards and leaving the core.

Have you ever pierced your body parts?
No- I'm not sure I'd consider it, either, I don't think it would suit me or my personality.

Do you have any tattoos?
No- similarly to piercings, I don't feel they would suit me.

Do you drive a stick?
I'm not a witch. ;) In seriousness, I can't drive and at present couldn't afford to run a car even if I could.

What's one trait you hate in a person?
Indecision, probably, or more accurately deciding something then changing one's mind or cancelling at the last minute. I won't commit to something unless I'm sure I can do it, which makes me a bit indecisive to begin with, but I'd prefer to say 'Maybe' rather than saying 'Yes' and then having to say 'No' later.

Do you consider yourself materialistic?
Probably- I have a huge amount of stuff that I appear unable to part with, though admittedly I did pare down a lot when I last moved.

What do you cook the best?
Chilli, bolognese and tiramisu. When I've done vlammetjes they've also always gone down well.

Favorite writing instrument?
Most commonly a keyboard these days, though there's still something to be said for decent calligraphy.

Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
Preference or no, I tend to blend into the background. I'm a bit (OK, a lot) of an introvert, and I'd feel far too self-conscious for my liking as the centre of attention.

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
Probably not- I tend to wear what's comfortable, which pretty much means combats and a t-shirt all year round.

What kind of books do you like to read?
Mainly sci-fi and fantasy; I'm a particular fan of Neal Stephenson's work (I can re-read Snow Crash ad-infinitum) and the later William Gibson books (ie. the ones after the Sprawl Trilogy). I also read a lot of manga in various genres.

How many online journals do you read regularly?
I'd say only Vicki's and Kat's with any regularity.

What's one thing you're a loser at?
Sociability, most likely- I tend not to be a very sociable person, bordering on reclusive.

If you don't like a person, how do you show it?
I just have as little as possible to do with them- there's no point in being outwardly hostile.

Do you cry in front of your friends?
Only in periods of heightened emotional stress- normally if I'm upset enough to cry I'll have made an excuse to be on my own anyway.

What kind of first impression do you think you give people?
I'd have to ask someone else to answer that- I'm not aware that I leave much of a first impression.

What's one thing you like to do alone?
Watch movies whilst curled up with a nice cup of coffee. That makes me sound really antisocial...

Are you a giver or a taker?
Probably a giver- I like to see my friends happy in particular, and wherever I can I will make an effort to see that's the case. Likewise I find it difficult to accept kindness or assistance from friends without at least offering the same in return.

When's the last time you cried?
I can't remember exactly- when I have cried recently it's been increasingly in happiness as opposed to sadness, which is an inherently good thing.

What is your favorite communication method?
Face to face is the best way, though email and messenging programs have their uses- they mean you can put your thoughts together before you say them.

Do you think you're cute?
It's not a term I'd apply to myself.

Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?
I've no problem with my upper half, though I tend to go for privacy from the waist down.

Favorite type of music?
I couldn't really say- my music collection is substantial and covers a variety of genres. What I listen to depends on my mood, and can vary wildly.

What is the sexiest thing the opposite sex can wear that catches your eye?
Probably a skirt that accentuates the person's legs- I guess that answers whether I'm a leg or a breast man... ;)

Are you a workaholic?
Most definitely not- I see work as a necessary evil, and I've often been told that I tend only to put the minimum necessary amount of work into anything. I'm a huge procrastinator as well.

What are your kids names?
That would involve having, or contemplating having, sprogs.

Do you watch a lot of television?
Nope, not really- I tend to watch a lot of movies and downloaded or boxed-set TV shows, but not much at all in the way of actual broadcast television.

Do you like to shop?
Not so much the actual shopping, but I do have a tendency to accrete stuff.

What is your hidden talent
I can write, very well I've been told, though I don't do so nearly as much as I used to. I'd like to write a novel at some point, it's just finding an idea with enough promise and that hasn't already been done.

Would you die to save the life of someone you deeply love?
In a heartbeat, though it'd be better to come back from the dead for them.

Do you own a Bible?
Yes, mainly thanks to my aunt getting religion- I'm an agnostic bordering on atheist.

Do you play chess?
I can, but I don't own a set and it's been quite a while since I played.

Do you like the rain?
I like watching it, and it breaks up oppressive conditions well. However, being out in it isn't so pleasant.

Do you like thunderstorms?
Like rain but better- or worse if you're stuck out in it.

What's your favorite website?
Favourite or most-visited? The former would probably be Megatokyo or Errant Story, though most-visited would likely be the Eeejits Forum. Wikipedia fits both of those categories, at a guess- I've normally got a browser window open there.

Movin'

Well, this is it- we're almost out of the old house. Just a couple more car-loads of stuff to go- my computer being included in that- and a hell of a lot of cleaning left. Of course, NTL are playing silly buggers and messing us around with getting the internet moved, so I don't know exactly when I'll be back on here- I'll update as and when.

Tot ziens!

One Year On...

Day 365 of The Recording Angel. I guess this is as good a time as any to recap my year, which has been quite the rollercoaster ride (in a few cases quite literally).

When I started this blog I was on my way out of CITB, which I have come to decide was a good thing. I wasn't going anywhere there, and was being strung along until they could find someone willing to do the job for less money- I maintain there is a connection between the fact that I was told I wasn't being kept on immediately after I reminded my boss that I'd been told there'd be a pay-grade increase with the position and that I hadn't been given a job spec.

So I left CITB halfway through July, after having been turned down for a number of other positions within the company. I proceeded to spend the summer unemployed, frantically trying to find a new job before my financial reserves (put aside for the possibility of going to teach in Japan) ran out. More on that shortly.

Graeme moved in and Ed moved out at the start of July, around the same point Pete was told he'd failed the year at Uni. That put him also in the realms of the unemployed. And around that time there were also issues with Vicki's enrollment onto Publishing with English. However, all of those dark clouds didn't stop us enjoying our summer.

Vicki and I went to Holland in September, taking advantage of cheap flights to spend a week with my parents. We had a great time, marred only slightly by the news that my father had died. His funeral was in October, about a week before my birthday. I still don't quite know how to feel about it, partially because I don't know the circumstances and cause of his death, but mostly because I can't really say I knew him. Even when my parents were together he was mostly absent from my life, and having not seen him since I was nine at the time of his death I'd lived longer without knowing hin than I had with.

My birthday was spent at Alton Towers, getting drenched yet enjoying the fireworks extravaganza and the coasterage. Vicki and I both got the coaster bug that day, and we ended going again a week later as part of Adrenalin Week (and, I dare say, having an even better day with much shorter queue times and much better weather). The day after my birthday I was told I had a temp job out at East Leake which would last until Christmas, perfect timing as money was really getting tight around then. While I was there I had an interview for an IT Helpdesk position, and was told halfway through December that I'd got the job. I've been there since.

Vicki and I spent Christmas with her parents down in Kent, including going to her brother's wedding (which I can't see lasting more than a couple of years, sprog or no sprog). Though tempers were a little strained in places, all in all it was a good week- and we're planning an away-match in hitting my parents' for the holiday season (both Christmas and New Years) this year.

On a similar note the pair of us took another week over there around Easter, and again had a fabulous time. We managed to hit Walabiworld, a theme park out in the middle of nowhere which was close to AT in quality- definitely a place we'll be going back to.

I've still been doing a fair amount of RPing, mostly Shadowrun 3rd or 4th Edition. True to my decision to concentrate on GMing as opposed to PCing, I've been running most of those games. I'm still working on Revelation 13- creating a roleplaying game is a hell of a lot of work, even when you've got a rules system ready-made. Once that's finished I intend to concentrate on running that.

Graeme's been off work for most of the past few months, either through holiday, technical problems or stress. As of the end of this month he'll have been away from work more than he's been there since the start of the year. I don't want to know what that's doing to his job prospects- if I were his company I certainly wouldn't be interested in keeping him on the books much longer, and I'd be willing to bet they're looking for a loophole to allow them to cut their losses.

Since Christmas it's been one expense after another- bills, tax, the death of my PC (which should hopefully be resolved as of the end of this week, at a final cost of around £500 since I started buying bits) and the forthcoming house-move (assuming we find somewhere to move to), so the rest of the year is going to be quite lean. I'm probably going to have to sweet-talk my grandparents in order to break even over the next month or so, and entertainment's definitely going to have to be based on nights in as opposed to nights out.

This year would have been really difficult if it wasn't for friends. I can't say I haven't thought about upping and leaving more than once over the last year, and at this point I'm glad I didn't- if I had, I'd have lost touch with the people I've got to know around here, which would have been a crying shame. I can't imagine not being around these people now, which is probably why, as of the end of summer, I'll have lived here longer than I've lived anywhere else. It's the people that make a place, and I wouldn't swap the people here for anything or anyone else.

So here's hoping the next year will be an upward spiral...

Song of the Day: Best I Can by Queensrÿche.

Technical Malfunctions

I have come to the conclusion that I have a bona-fide love-hate relationship with computers. I can happily spend hours sat behind one, yet mine in particular seems to be set against working properly.

It started about a month or so ago when, after finally getting tired of some niggling system errors that I put down to software rot and a too-small drive partition for the OS, I decided to reinstall Windows. Since then it's been a downward slope involving frequent errors, random resets, an inability of half my programs to function and quite a bit of data loss (many thanks to Graeme's portable USB hard drive for staving off the worst of this). The errors seemed to point towards the HDD being corrupted, and due to the fact that a repartition, reformat and reinstall hadn't solved the issue (in fact they seemingly accelerated the rate at which I got errors) I figured it was time to bite the bullet and spend some money on new hardware.

So I bought a nice big 250GB drive that I'd been drooling over for months, installed it and started the great system transfer. Of course, I'm still getting all the errors- it wouldn't have been that simple, now would it?

So I started running a few more tests. I re-enabled the BSoD (for those that don't know, WinXP's standard response to a fatal error is to restart; you can re-enable the debug screen in System Properties > Advanced > Startup & Recovery, just untick the restart automatically option) and started googling error codes. So far I've had driver failures, IRQ conflicts, file system corruptions and memory issues, and never the same message twice. I'm convinced it's a hardware problem, but it's definitely not the HDD. That leaves the memory, motherboard, CPU, graphics card, DVD drive and power supply.

I'm convinced it's not the PSU, as if the PC wasn't getting enough power to run BitTorrent then I doubt it'd run anything at all. I can't see these sorts or error coming from a DVD drive either, which leaves CPU, GPU, memory and mobo, coincidentally all the bits I'd have to replace to upgrade my PC.

So I've decided to change my upgrade plan. The original idea was to build a whole new PC in a uATX case, keeping the current system for downloads, game servers and general workhorsing. Now, to save cash it looks like the two-PCs plan is going to be scrapped in favour of simply renovating the one I've got. After all, I have a serviceable case, PSU, HDD and DVD burner, I may as well keep using them in anger.

I've made the first step today and ordered new memory- 2GB of GeIL DDR400 RAM in a dual-channel set. It's not quite as storming as the memory I've got, but as there's twice as much of it (and better-arranged) I can't see it causing any bottlenecking problems, and at present stability is more important than speed. I've no intention to overclock anyway- I'm not doing so at the moment, why start now?

The rest of the upgrade parts- a new mobo, processor, graphics card and CPU cooler- really need to come as a set, because I won't be able to use any of it before the lot is here anyway. I reckon it'll take two or three months to save up for it, and if the memory solves the stability issues the wait shouldn't be too bad. In any case, Oblivion should be here this weekend, and if I have a stable PC to run it on, albeit at minimum spec, I guess I can keep myself entertained until the big upgrade.

Countdown: 24 Days until next NL Holiday. :D

I leaked...

Well, people do leak when you fill their heads with star charts. Movies told me so.

Vixel pointed out to me this star chart generator, the results of mine being below:

Rising Sign is in 25 Degrees Cancer
Very sensitive by nature, you prefer to be in your own familiar surroundings. Cautious and conservative, you make changes in your life only very slowly, if at all. You do not open up easily to strangers. Friendships are made for life, however -- once given, your trust is forever. Your mother, your home as a child and your early family life in general are very important to you. You are also very sentimental. When you feel self- confident, you are gentle, giving and protective of the needs of others. But when you feel insecure or threatened, you become overly sensitive to criticism, shy, withdrawn and moody. You have a strong need for security -- in the sense that you are being loved, nourished and protected.

Sun is in 07 Degrees Scorpio.
Intense and complex by nature, you have extremely strong emotional reactions to most situations. Feelings are often very difficult for you to verbalize. Therefore you have a tendency to be very quiet - - to brood and think a lot. You seldom get overtly angry, but, when you do, you are furious and unforgiving. When you make an emotional commitment, it is total -- you are not attracted to superficial or casual relationships. If you are challenged, you take it as a personal affront and tend to lash out and fight back in a vengeful manner. You love mysteries and the supernatural. A good detective, you love getting to the roots of problems and you enjoy finding out what makes other people tick. You are known to be very willful, very powerful and quite tenacious!

Moon is in 09 Degrees Leo.
You always want to be proud of yourself and will never do anything that will make yourself look bad. You need the respect and admiration of others and enjoy attracting attention to yourself. Everything you do tends to be self-emphasized and self-exaggerated. Very stubborn, willful and independent yourself, be sure to allow others who are close to you the similar right to "be themselves." Your need for love, affection and reassurance, and your tendency toward vanity, allow you to have your head easily turned by flattery. The more insecure you are, the more you tend to be a showoff. You love games and sports as a matter of fact, you would usually rather play than work. Be careful of a tendency to be snobbish and uppity -- it does not become you.

Mercury is in 15 Degrees Scorpio.
You are a born investigator. You are fascinated by secrets and mysteries and unanswered questions of any kind. When you become upset or angry, your emotional reactions are overpowering -- reason and logic disappear in an uncontrollable passionate outburst. You tend to keep your thoughts secret and bottled up and this makes others regard you with suspicion. It is not that you are trying purposely to be evasive, it is just that you would rather not deal with the explosions and hassles that often occur when you reveal your true feelings and opinions. Your sense of humor tends toward sarcasm and irony.

Venus is in 00 Degrees Libra.
A very friendly and outgoing person, you hate to be alone. Beware of a continuing tendency to compromise yourself in order to avoid being lonely. Try to be yourself, not what others would like you to be. You have an innate desire to be in refined and elegant surroundings and will go out of your way to create a plush and comfortable atmosphere around you. You have heightened aesthetic sensibilities and are attracted to music and the arts. Try to avoid using your well-known seductive charm in order to get out of doing what you consider to be dirty work!

Mars is in 13 Degrees Sagittarius.
Your every action is motivated by high moral standards and ideals. You will work very hard to improve the lot of the world at large, but you demand action about it -- you do not like to just sit around and talk about doing it in an abstract manner. You like to be where the real action is. You resist mightily any attempts to limit your freedom and you will assist anyone who feels put down and restricted. You are extremely restless by nature -- physical exercise is very important to you if you would maintain your health.

Jupiter is in 00 Degrees Libra.
You are generally good at balancing opinions and judging issues, but you tend to be indecisive when it comes to making up your own mind. You are objective and quite concerned with fair play and justice. But, when it comes to yourself, you are so aware that whatever you do might upset the apple cart that you often choose to compromise rather than do anything that might make you lonely or vulnerable. Relationships are very important to you -- you learn about yourself and grow through observing yourself interacting with others. Your aesthetic tastes are refined, but expansive and expensive.

Saturn is in 04 Degrees Libra.
Although you take quite a while to make decisions, you usually consider all sides to a question, all the pros and cons, and the solution you come up with is very often the correct one. You tend to be very reserved and shy, but, once you make a commitment to someone (in either a business or personal relationship), the partnership is forever. You have a strong sense of justice and fair play and greatly respect the laws and institutions by which you are governed. As such, you are outraged when others break laws or show contempt for authority.

Uranus is in 24 Degrees Scorpio.
You, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems.

Neptune is in 20 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the "global village."

Pluto is in 22 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society's attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments -- they will not be entered into lightly.

N. Node is in 16 Degrees Leo.
You prefer to take the leadership role when it comes to dealing with others. You enjoy administering and organizing group activities. Others tend to listen to your suggestions because you aren't usually overly domineering or patronizing in your interactions. You love to entertain in a big way -- you're at your best when throwing a large and lavish party. Your popularity and social success are assured as long as you don't take others for granted -- resist the temptation to become snobbish and arrogant.

I'm impressed. Aside from the comments under the Moon (me, sportive?!), it's pretty much accurate.

Comments?

Countdown: 33 Days until next NL Holiday. :D

The B5 First Ones Personality Test

Who Are You?
There was a time I could answer that, but now I'm not so sure. I'm becoming steadily less the person I thought I was as each new crisis adds another layer of strain onto me. At one stage I would have prided myself on my ability to ride such storms out, but now as opposed to clutching the bow and yelling 'Steady as she goes!' to the helmsman I find myself lashed to the mast with my eyes screwed shut. I'm a friend to some, a trustworthy acquiantance to others. I define myself by what I can do for others- helping them with problems, giving advice on courses of action, running RPGs to keep them entertained and occasionally cooking for them. I am, in general, dissatisfied with myself- I feel that my reason for existance is to use my skills for the betterment of the lives of those close to me and maybe even the universe as a whole, and I also feel that I'm failing in that.

What Do You Want?
I want to be happy. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and have a first thought other than 'What will go wrong today?' I want to be in a position again where I look forward to things, where I can become excited about the prospects that await me. I want my friends to be happy. I want to see their faces light up as their troubles leave them behind, see them relax and be who and what they want to be without the pressures of the world weighing them down, and I want to be able to help this be the case. In short, I want the future to be a good thing for myself and others rather than something to be dreaded.

What Am I?

Here's an interesting one. Vixel pointed out earlier in the week the concept of the Johari window- it's a personality profile built up from one's own views of oneself and ratified by the views of their peers- essentially, how you see yourself and how others see you.

Here's what Wikipedia has to say about Johari Windows.

Anyway, there's an online variant of the process, covering both the Johari- one's positive qualities- and the Nohari- negative ones. As an experiment I've filled a couple in for anyone who still reads this to add to:

Cassiel's Johari Window

Cassiel's Nohari Window

As an aside, has any reader of this done a Myers-Briggs test before? I did one about a decade ago and came out as an INFJ. If anyone knows of a decent free online version, I'd be interested to know if I've changed since then. I hope I have, and I hope I've done so for the better.

And another one for you- the First Ones' Personality Test. Simply answer, each in a single paragraph, two questions: First, Who Are You? And second, What Do You Want?

I'll wait until there's some replies before I answer them. ;)

Countdown: 54 Days until next NL holiday. :D